The path of life is rarely a straight or direct one. As our path branches off, we are offered opportunities to make choices, not all of which turn out as we planned or hoped. It is these opportunities and our responses to them that make each of us who we are. “Settling”, “being in a rut”, “feeling stuck”, “an addiction”,“hopeless”: these are words and phrases we use when we have developed bad habits, self destructive behaviors or feel unable to make a change. Recognizing that the change process can be difficult is important and helps all of us develop empathy, both for ourselves and those we love who are attempting to do something different in their lives.
Several years ago, I became deeply concerned about a loved one. In retrospect, it was a great opportunity to learn about the precontemplation stage of change. Clearly, this person and I had differing views about the extent of the problem and what needed to be done about it. As an attempt to help, I developed a list of “100 things to do instead” for that person. As a therapist, I knew that all behavior serves a purpose. To change a negative behavior, you need to replace it with a positive behavior that meets the same need. The desperation I felt, born out of love, made me hope that somehow, my actions could provide motivation for change. This was not successful for two reasons. First, the person was not ready to change their thinking and behavior. Second, on the list were things I thought they might be motivated by not ideas that came from them. No matter how close of a relationship we have to someone, ultimately they know themselves better than anyone. At the time, it did allow me to feel like I was doing something to help. And, it motivated me to create my own list to use when I am feeling stuck. The effort served a purpose, although not the intended one. Life works that way sometimes.
Below is the list of “100 things to do instead” I created. I encourage you to make your own list. Post it somewhere in your house or keep it in a place you can refer to it when you feel stuck.
Go Skydiving Learn to scuba Go to the lake
Autocross Go to the drag races Run
Go bowling Play basketball Sit in the sauna
Read a book Play video games Road trip
Read a magazine Go to the movies Rent a movie
Train trip Visit California Visit Maine
Learn to cook Write your life story Laugh
Cry See the Shockers play Feel all your feelings Listen to David Bowie See the Chiefs play Eat ice cream
Draw/paint Learn photography Go to the gun range
Appreciate all you have Deal with it Get a personal trainer
Go fishing Be kind Work on a campaign
Make amends Search for a new job Make new friends
Reconnect with old friends Blog Eat healthy
Build a snowman Get your teeth cleaned Try a new beverage
Lift weights Eat Mexican food Go to the drive in
Go camping Visit your mother Hug a tree
Go to a concert Clean out your email Go to a car show
Travel abroad Play guitar Learn kickboxing
Sleep Eat a new food Play cards
Go to church Have a cause Share what you learn
Restore an old car Volunteer Grow a beard
Ride the wave Find your purpose Wear sandals
Renaissance Fair Drink milkshakes Hike a mountain
Go exploring Hold someone’s hand Build something
Shoot pool Adopt a pet Clean the fish tank
Be a mentor Go rafting Visit relatives
Start a collection Learn to surf Dance
Listen and learn Take a class Go snorkeling
Go to Las Vegas Go to Kansas City Mow the grass
Let go Sit in the park Eat an apple
Meditate Study silversmithing Walk
Do sit-ups/pushups Go shopping Rip up paper
Go swimming
100 things to do instead……
