Most people come to therapy because they are unhappy or someone else is unhappy with them. They are often searching for change that will make things right. Sometimes change is needed. But at other times, acceptance is what is needed. How does one remain happy, content and “okay” when things around us are not? How does a person achieve inner peace that can sustain one through life stressors, conflict and the disappointment of others?
Sometimes called serenity, calmness or peace of mind, inner peace refers to an intentional state of psychological or spiritual calm in the face of stress. Being at peace is a healthy place, where our mind can perform at its optimal level with positive outcomes. Inner peace is not achieved by living in an environment without stress. I mean, just where would THAT be? Inner peace can be achieved by not allowing the stressors of the environment to affect us negatively.
Being on a path toward inner peace looks like this:
Honest appraisal of oneself
Loss of interest in judging oneself
Thinking and acting spontaneously rather than from fear based on past experience
The ability to enjoy each moment for what it is
Loss of interest in judging other people
Loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others
Loss of interest in conflict
Loss of the ability to worry
Frequently feeling appreciative of each experience, positive and negative
Feeling connected with others and with nature
Letting things happen instead of trying to make them happen
Being open to the love extended by others as well as extending it to others
Smiling. A Lot.
Achieving inner peace is a step-by-step process. Starting on this path requires being mindful of and deliberate in our thoughts and actions.
Say what you mean, mean what you say. If you are honest, you don’t have to use energy to maintain a lie. Honesty doesn’t have to be harsh. It can be compassionate but firm. Rote comments about your intentions can cause problems as well. Follow through on what you say you are going to do. The other person may be really counting on you.
Don’t say to anyone unless you can say to everyone. We all tell ourselves that gossip serves a purpose sometimes. And, it can be fun in the moment. How different it would feel if the person you were gossiping about heard you? How does holding on to hurts and being hurtful back help you to find inner peace?
Don’t say inside what you cannot say outside. Many of us are overly critical of ourselves. Think about what the harsh things you say to yourself would sound like if you said them out loud. Creating internal negativity takes energy away from serenity. Be as kind to yourself as you are to other people.
Don’t say it unless it is true, useful or kind. Before something comes out of your mouth, ask yourself if you really believe what you are about to say and if it will help or hurt. Being deliberate in our speech weeds out the useless chatter we tend to surround ourselves with. Without chatter, you can quiet your mind and come to appreciate silence.
And, finally, to quote Richard Carlson, “don’t sweat the small stuff. *
As I write this, I am thinking about all the ways I failed to do these things yesterday, today and the day before. Insight is good. I simply try not to judge myself for my mistakes and move on along the path. I invite you to join me on the journey to inner peace today.
“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” —Wayne W. Dyer
* Richard Carlson, Ph.D. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…and it’s all small stuff: Simple ways to keep the little things from taking over your life. Hyperion. New York. 1997.
