I love receiving holiday cards for many reasons. Real mail from real people is actually in the mail box. You hear from people that you care about but don’t often see, getting a picture of the happenings in their lives. It is a way to stay connected in a busy world.
My mother spent a great deal of time and effort on holiday cards. She sent many and received many in return. Each day during the holiday season she would show me the cards she received that day and the sentiments written in them. They were important to her.
The interesting thing about holiday cards is that you get what you give. Over the last few years, I have not sent a holiday newsletter. My excuse has been that my children are grown and there is less news to share (I mean, who wants to hear about crushing student loan debt or the struggles of new home ownership during the holidays). I have even stopped sending cards with just a signature to those on my holiday card list. There are a multitude of excuses for that, mostly involving time. Not surprisingly, I notice that I receive fewer and fewer cards each year. This year I gave holiday cards to a few business associates for job related purposes, sent two emails to dear friends on the holiday itself and called it good. The cards I bought still sit in my desk. I had good intentions but it seems apparent where my priorities lay this year.
I find that relationships are like holiday cards. You get out of a relationship what you invest into it. If your time and energy is spent primarily elsewhere, relationships can falter. We have good intentions about relationships with others that we don’t follow through on for a variety of reasons-competing priorities, time and energy to name a few. How many times have you run into someone and said to them “I was thinking about you”, “I’ve been meaning to call/email/text you” or something similar? Sometimes we assume that because we haven’t talked to someone for a period of time, we are no longer important to them. Making those kinds of assumptions without checking it out can lead to hurt feelings and cutoffs in relationships. People have varying levels of ability to show their feelings and different ways of doing so. Just because an action means a certain thing to you doesn’t mean that it has the same meaning to the other person. Connecting with others in positive ways usually brings good dividends. And if it doesn’t, at least you have more information to work with in making decisions about the relationship. Human beings need connection with other human beings. It fills our most basic need for belonging.
The end of one year and the beginning of the next brings a great opportunity to set priorities in our lives. You can decide which relationships are most important to you and take action to nurture those. If you have been neglecting relationships that are important to you, you can change that. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. Find the ways that individual feels appreciated-kind words, quality time, gifts- and focus on strengthening your connection. There is a quote I like: “people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime” (author unknown). Understanding that can help you decide which direction to take with a relationship. If the relationship ends and is meant to circle around, somehow it will.
May your life be filled with all the benefits good relationships have to offer.
