It is easy to focus on the negative when it seems like nothing is going well. Let’s face it, life is a challenge, even in the best of times. We experience sad, scary and hurtful things regularly in life. This can happen within ourselves such as when facing a physical illness or personal failure. It can happen interpersonally in our relationships with family members, in the workplace or in public. And we can be negatively affected by the events occurring in our community, nation and the world. It is easy to become overwhelmed and wonder “why does everything bad happen to me”. All or nothing thinking and focusing on negativity can lead to hopelessness, depression, anxiety and obsessing over things one has no control over.
The reality is bad things happen to all of us. We all experience loss, disappointment and failure. Without those experiences, how would we ever truly appreciate the joys that life also offers? Recently I have heard the phase “have an attitude of gratitude” a lot. Personally, that phrase annoys me. I believe wholeheartedly in the sentiment, but it’s overuse almost seems to trivialize something that can be very hard to do. Looking for the silver lining in the darkest times of our lives is difficult indeed but can be highly rewarding.
Taking steps toward being a grateful, and happier, person doesn’t have to be a gigantic leap. I remember during the recent funeral of a family member how I noticed that the sun was shining, the wind was just a breeze and the sound of Taps flowed over those of us sitting at the gravesite. Although it was a sad time, noticing these things made it peaceful and I was grateful for that. During a quiet time of day, try making a mental note of things you are grateful for at that moment. You can use the alphabet to generate thoughts if they don’t come flooding to your mind. Make a list and keep it on your bathroom mirror or fridge. Appreciate the small things that others do for you. It only takes a second to thank the person who held the door open for you at the store or the clerk who helped you find that item you were looking for. Write a short note to your children or partner telling them something you appreciate about them. Remember to also take the time to notice the things about yourself you are grateful for, even if it is just making it through another day.
Taking time to focus on the positives, reframing negatives and expressing gratefulness for all of life will help keep you off the path leading to depression and anxiety and lead you to becoming a more satisfied person. This is one of my favorite poems. I hope you find it helpful on your journey to becoming a grateful person:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jellaludin Rumi
