I love games and puzzles. Word games, board games, card games are all favorites. I like to play against myself to keep my mind sharp and thinking strategically. I like playing with others for the relational value. When I was young and we would visit relatives over the holidays, the adults often spent the entire day playing cards. I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to join in. As I have gotten older, I find that I am surrounded by game players. My best friends must have literally hundreds of games. In fact, I get them a new game every Christmas and we always play several when I visit. When my children were younger, we played many board and card games. We still play during the holidays when we have family time together, on trips or with friends. I wanted us to have fun as a family but also to teach them about winning and losing gracefully. So, I didn’t let them win and tried to not make that a spirit crushing experience. It seems that it did give both of them a competitive spirit in adulthood. Seeing children in therapy also offers many opportunities to play games. It is a way to connect and share experiences in a non-threatening way.
So, what does playing games have to do with parenting and mental health, the topics I usually write about? I find that playing games offers many important life lessons. Let’s look at a few:
- There are rules to follow. We don’t always like the rules. You usually get caught if you don’t follow the rules and you probably won’t like the consequences.
- There are always choices. Each move gives an opportunity for choice.
- Some moves are stellar. Some moves are adequate. Some moves have no redeeming value.
- We don’t always have a good choice to pick. Sometimes we have to pick the best option from all bad choices.
- Some choices turn out well. Some choices turn out poorly. You can make a choice that turns out poorly and still win but sometimes you lose.
- The choices you make affect others and the choices they make.
- Sometimes you have to try a lot of things before you find something that works.
- There are lessons to be learned and fun to be had even if no one wins.
- You can learn something from any experience.
- You don’t always have to be first.
- It is okay to ask for help when you need it.
- No one loses every time they play.
- Throwing a fit when you lose does not change the fact that you lost.
- Gloating when you win alienates people. Then they don’t like playing with you.
- Being allowed to win doesn’t feel as good as when you really do win.
- If you rely totally on others and never on yourself, the win is meaningless
- Sometimes, passing is the best option.
- You don’t always have to play to win. Just playing has benefits of its own.
- Don’t take yourself too seriously. Life should be fun.
What lessons you have learned from playing games?
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan
