Apollo 13. Schindler’s List. Glory. Three great movies about difficult times. Difficult times in which people did not give up. And if they lived through those difficult times, they not only survived but thrived. Three great movies that can teach us much about resilience.
Resilience is the ability to recover from difficulties. It is an individual’s ability to cope successfully with stress, adversity, trauma and tragedy. Many things contribute to stress in our lives. These can include conflictual relationships, physical health problems, workplace and financial stress. The reality is that no one’s life is free from adversity. We all have problems, negative emotions and thoughts. Unfortunately, people can also experience abuse, violence and unfathomable tragedy. These experiences result in a flood of strong emotion and a sense of uncertainty, anger and fear. Resilience is what helps lead to recovery even in the midst of catastrophic events.
Examples of resilience are everywhere. If I look out my kitchen window into my neighbor’s yard, I can see these irises every spring. In the past 20 years, I have never seen my neighbor water, fertilize or pay attention to them in any way. Yet, they survive and thrive despite the neglect.
At times in my work with people, I am amazed at how some find their way through a maze of hurt, defeat and pain. They recover and thrive while the hurt remains. Others stay stuck. Resilience is not a rare ability, although it seems to come easier to some people than others. It can be learned and developed. It comes from successfully coping with stressors by recognizing the problem, changing our thoughts and trying different things to see what works. The following factors also contribute to the development of resilience:
*Supportive relationships within and outside of the family. Relationships that create love and trust, provide role models and offer encouragement and reassurance.
*The capacity to make and carry out realistic plans.
*Developing a positive view of self and confidence in your strengths and abilities.
*Effective communication and problem-solving skills.
*The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses.
If you find that you are stuck dealing with the negative events of life, here are some suggestions to help you become more resilient.
Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can’t change things that have happened but you can change how you think about them. By keeping things in perspective and recognizing that there will be a future after this event you can make even very painful events more manageable.
Accept that change is a part of living. Negative events can change our plans and dreams. Accepting that can help you focus on things you can control.
Develop realistic goals and act on them. Ask yourself, “What is one thing I know I can accomplish today that will help me move in the direction I want to go?” Even simple actions can effect change. Wishing adverse events would go away and doing nothing keeps you stuck.
Focus on yourself. Struggles can lead to a deeper understanding of who you are and a heightened appreciation for life. If you can maintain a hopeful outlook, it will enable you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try focusing on what you want instead of worrying about what you fear. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise regularly. Taking care of yourself helps to keep your mind and body ready to deal with stressful situations.
Make positive connections with others. Accept and offer emotional support. Work to keep family and friend relationships positive. Some people find hopefulness by participating in faith-based organizations or support groups.
There are many ways to strengthen resilience. Journaling, meditation, participating in spiritual practices, reading stories of the experiences of others and using online resources are all proactive ways to build resilience. If you feel unable to function in basic life activities as a result of negative life experiences or trauma, participation in therapy can help you find a path to resilience.
Take the resiliency quiz:
